I just love my Nikon!!!  I bought my first one, a D50, in September of 2006.  For some reason, it shit itself a few weeks ago and is service bound.  In my grief of the loss of its faithful service, I purchased a baby Nikon, a Colorpix S550, to be Mr. D50’s backup in his absence.  After all, the eagle took a massive shit; and I am assured of its monthly regularity in the future.  Also resulting from this episode of Eagle Diarrhea, Wil purchased a new desktop PC.  Where was his Windows XP product activation key?  It is permanently affixed to the to of the PC case by some sort of futuristic super adhesive glop waiting to be read by someone in a sighted household.  Where does MacGyver come in here?  I love MacGyver too and have always admired his ability to create simple solutions to life’s little challenges.  I took a picture of the top of Wil’s new PC, motherfucker, and magnified it via Paintshop Pro on my PC.  I was able to read the new product key with ease.  I am thoroughly pleased with the performance of my new 10 megapixel picture taking baby Nikon.  This goes to show you that creativity is the key to dealing with our visual limitations.  I believe the only thing that we can’t fix with a MacGyverism as visually impaired persons is the ability and privilege of driving a car.  Nikon and MacGyver mesh together very well. 

Until next time…

Poor Titan has had a rough day.  Last night he started holding his tail close to his body as if he was in pain.  He had this happen about two years ago.  We thought that he and Max had played too rough causing Titan (Tinky Winky as we relate it to the faggot Tella Tubby with the sore butt) to hurt his tail.  The vet had to express his anal glands and gave him some pain meds.  Today’s vet visit was two years ago revisited.  Dr. Blanchard put the gloves on and stated that he needed to express Titan’s anal glands and remarked that it would smell nasty.  Theresa, my sister who was with me, immediately excused herself to step outside for a smoke.  She, the Big T, who is known for her iron stomach couldn’t handle the day’s biological incident.  They ended up taking poor Titan to the back and sparing us the smelly mess.  Theresa’s puppy, Army Ranger, who is now five months old sacrificed his manhood today by donating his balls to the Spay and Neuter Clinic AKA Snip ‘N Clip.  After leaving our vet with Titan and his poor sore butt, we went to pick up the groggy and now no-nads Army.  Titan must have been having flashbacks to his own snipping and clipping as he gave Army one hell of a sniff over.  Theresa pointed out that at least Titan could take his mind off of his sore ass while commiserating with Army over his missing balls.  Tonight Army Ranger is sleeping off the effects of his loss while Titan still has a sore butt.  Poor babies!!!

Until next time…

Dreams can be very fascinating.  It always amazes me when I have a dream that is bad enough to be considered a nightmare, waking up from at the worst part; yet I stay asleep and dream through it all.  Last night I dreamt about being bitten by a green snake.  In the dream I was relaxing in the grass when I felt the presence of something slithering across me.  Even though I tried to remain still, my body began to shake with fear that I was not able to control.  I saw the green snake on the ground near my left shoulder; then felt it slither across my upper body; and stop at the right side of my neck.  I felt needle pricks in the side of my neck; more than once as if it bit me a few times in quick succession.  Mind you, I did not wake up at this point.  After it finished biting me, it slithered away.  The rest of my dream was in an unfamiliar place with all people who were strangers to me.  I told someone that a snake had bitten me and was rushed to the ER.  I wandered around this hospital place aimlessly as if nobody knew I was there.    I told a lady in a white nurse’s uniform that I had been bitten by a snake and felt like I was having difficulty breathing.  She looked at me with an expression of shock on her face and took me to an exam room.  As is the case with all weird and disjointed dreams, there is a man sitting in the exam room with me stating that he needed a DNA sample and promptly masturbated in front of me catching his sample in some of that gauzy bluish gray tape used to wrap your arm after giving a blood donation.  I declined to give up my sample and told him that I wasn’t in the mood right then.  All of this dream perversion and I never did awaken.  I swear that I did not take any weird drugs, like acid, before going to bed.  I had nothing to eat after supper.  It had nothing to do with the dominatrix discussion held in Ventrillo.  I didn’t watch SVU last night; but maybe I have been watching too much CSI.  Sickman, I mean, Sigmund Freud would have a field day with all of the phallic related subject matter in my dream.  Maybe, it was simply a night bite and nothing more.  Whatever the case, it has hung onto me all day the way that most nightmares do.

Until next time… 

I thought my days, or should I say nights, of bad dreams and nightmares were a thing of the past.  The stats say that most Americans experience one to two nightmares a year on the average.  PTSD people can have them every night as was my case some years ago.  My latest demon, the Saturday Night Demon, quickly reminded me of how close those times can be again.  Over the past year, my sleep demons have not crossed over the line into my conscious awareness; so I let them lie without much care.  Wil woke me up at 3:45am because I was crying out in my sleep.  Yes, I was crying out in my dream as well.  I didn’t think I was getting my voice loud enough in my dream due to my fear, so I tried to make my voice louder.  Apparently, it came out pretty loud in our bedroom.  In the dream I was pinned down under some one in a car.  I could not see him; but could only see the darkness outside the car window.  I felt like I was being squished and I couldn’t breathe.  Where’s Jack Bauer when I need him.  Thanks to trazodone I was able to go back to sleep without much trouble.  This dream seemed awfully vivid and strong to just be the average nightmare.  Was this Saturday Night Demon just that; or is it an old memory launching its assault?  All I know is that I feel tired from it today, just like I used to feel years ago when this shit reared its ugly head.

Until next time…

I hate getting all that fucking junk mail that gets crammed into our mail box every week.  Back in November, I wrote my two cents worth about the subject.  Here it is:

            It never fails!!!  What happens on Tuesdays?  You guessed it – Junk Mail Tuesday!!  Every fucking week there is a big pile of shit stuffed into the apartment complex’s mail boxes.  The large trash can next to the mail room door overflows with more than three hundred discarded bundles of the crap.  When I checked the box this evening and found our weekly murdered tree, I had just had enough.  I decided to send a clear message of discontent to the postal service on behalf of myself and all of my fellow tenants.  I had just the right meal under my belt for the job – beef cubed steak, rice and gravy, sweet whole kernel corn, and some Mich Ultra.  The walk to the mailboxes had digested my dinner enough that I had a little more room to snarf down another helping of good ole rice and gravy.  I then gulped down an eight ounce cup of that oh so slippery Goldschlager in preparation form my mission.  Six months of this weekly bullshit spurred me onward as I knew the Florida heat and humidity would definitely drive my disgruntled opinion home to our ever dependable postal service worker upon his next day’s delivery of desecrated forestry.  Damn that Goldschlager sure can knock one’s dick in the dirt.  I put the mailbox key in my pocket and staggered to ground zero near the rental office.  With the buzz from hell, I giggled quietly to myself as I stuffed more than three hundred piles of victimized and wasted trees back through the hungry mouth of my open mailbox.  I couldn’t help but wonder how far up that little mail room all that shit would pile as I listened to the rustle and crumpling of the falling paper.  I could feel my stomach churning in anticipation of making a deposit of my honest opinion on this matter of junk mail.  As if talking through the mail box’s opening, I leaned in and wrenched forth a torrential gold speckled Technicolor yawn of dinner a la Goldschlager.  I knew I hit pay dirt as I heard the evening’s groceries reverberate off the mail room door as they splattered back and rain down over the litter on the floor of the room’s four by four interior.  It trickled down the walls like rain dripping from the trees after a May shower.  After wiping residual bilious evidence from the mail box’s opening, I locked it tight for a night of steamy festering.  As I staggered back to the apartment, I couldn’t help but wonder if those pretty gold specks from that oh so good Goldschlager would still be bright and shiny when the mail man opened that putrid mail room door in another eighteen hour.   

I hope I didn’t gross you out too bad.  LOL!!!!

Until nect time…

‘Down With The Sickness’ by Disturbed is our family song and my all time favorite.  I’m sure that 99 percent of the world is dysfunctional and probably grew up in Hell too.  But, I can only speak for myself and my own Hell family experience.  During my childhood, I’m sure that both parents opened up plenty of hate by their physical and emotional abuse as well as neglect; and let it flow into me and my four siblings.  I’m sure more demons impregnated my psyche by eachincident of rape and sexual abuse.  Congenital eye problems made it even easier to entrap me.  The demons run deep and never seem to end.  I have done individual and group type therapy in my adulthood with ten different counselors/facilitators.  The first demons were awakened, as David Draiman puts it, back in my early college days – more than 27 years ago.  It seems that the more work I do to better my journey through life, the more demons push their way up from the depths of my psyche.  David Draiman is right on when he stated that once the demons have been awakened, there is no turning back.  They can never be re-burried.  I thought that I had a pretty good handle on my psyche from doing the past years of intense therapy, memory recovery, and healing in the early 1990’s.  I had a great support system; and still do today.  Bohica was spared all of my really bad PTSD work back then.  We didn’t meet until 1997.  Now that I am not looking after small children or dealing with Child Protection at DFCS, my psyche realizes that I have more time to deal with other stuff down here in St. Petersburg.  I feel that old bur familiar uneasy pressure of demons (unfinished business) waiting to erupt and be dealt with.  No matter how much therapy work I have done in the past, they still have a way of badly scaring me today.  I feel certain that there are some additional memories of violent abuse from my youth that are lurking deep beneath my consciousness.  A nightmarish incident almost escaped while I was dozing one morning last week.  It reminded me of my old PTSD days.  I don’t know if anyone ever rids himself of all demons.  I fear that I have a terminal case of ‘The Sickness’; and that the madness will some day totally swallow me up forever.

Until next time…

I am Jobina, the one and only Job of the Old Testament reincarnated.  I actually took on that persona during my college years, forgot about it over the years, and was recently reminded by my college buddy, Jeff, that I really still was Jobina.  Life is full of good and bad things for everyone; but some of seem to have to struggle, pray, lament, beg, connive, and stategize before getting our just deserts.  Take the latest example from the Life of Jobina.  Here is my saga of applying for my Social Security disability after 20 long hard years of Richmond County DFCS.  The following is my documentation of the SSA application process:

Social Security Claim for Denise James:

 

08/10/2007 – Reapplication in St Petersburg office; Mr. Perry was worker.

 

11/21/2007 – 7:55am phone call from local office (727-893-3183 US GOVT – GSA- SOC); Told that I was being approved with disability date of March 31, 2007 and first payment month of September 2007; Asked about Georgia’s retirement system and choice of Medicare;  Told that application was being processed that day.  It was to be finalized and sent to the payment center for processing.

 

01/10/2008 – Called national number (800-772-1213); Spoke with Delores; Told that nothing was showing in the system accept for the case being pulled for federal review on 10/23/2007;  Told to call the office of appeals in Virginia because the federal review should have been completed within sixty days;  Called the appeals office in Virginia (703-605-8000) and spoke with Becky who stated that there was no record for my SSN; Told to call local office for status check (800-290-3758).

 

01/11/2008 – Tried local number from 11/21/2007; Recording stated number was a nonworking number at St Petersburg SS office.

 

01/11/2008 – A friend drove me to the local office after unsuccessful attempts to call all morning; Received help from another customer to get number from KIOS as no staff was available and the KIOS is not accessible for blind/visually impaired users; Told at reception window that I could register to be seen as a walk-in’ but it would be three hours or more before I could be seen; Told that I could wait to be given an appointment; but that could take more than seventy minutes; Told to call national number to get an appointment;  Told that SSA office was short handed and that she did not have time to dig into my claim;  Told that the only thing on her system was cessation of my disability from years ago;  Receptionist had a very unfriendly attitude.

 

01/28/2008 – Called national number to check on claim status;  Spoke with Karen;  Told that federal review could take sixty business days and not calendar days;  Told that I probably had twenty more business days to wait.

 

02/11/2008 – Called national number to check on SS claim; Spoke with Sharon; No change – still in federal review;  60 business days is the correct  time frame.

 

02/26/2008 – Called national number to check on SS claim (15 minutes of automation wait time); Spoke with Howard (after six more minutes of waiting); Sending message to local office to contact me within 30 calendar days as the federal review only had 60 business days to complete their review.  March third will be business day number 90.  I gave my phone number and stated that early morning would be the best contact time.   March 10th will be seven months from my application date.  Howard also told me that the local office cannot deny my being seen or given an appointment while visiting the local office as I told him about my January 11th experience in the local office.  Howard sent the message to the local office while on the phone with me; and said that I should be contacted no later than March 26, 2008.  I am to call the national number back if I do not hear from the local office for another follow-up.

 

03/11/08 – Husband had appointment with Dr. Keith Brady who suggested that we seek the help of Congressman Bill Young.  The stress  of relocating to Florida and financial struggles has resulted in both of us needing medication to ease the depression and stress.

 

03/17/08 – Visit to Congressman Young’s office; spoke with Yvonne; Gave documentation of SSA claim struggles and signed permission for Mr. Young to inquire on my behalf of SSA; Was told that they had thirty days to do the inquiry.

 

03/18/08 – Received letter from Congressman Young stating an inquiry had been made on my behalf to the disability office of SSA in Baltimore.

 

04/08/08 – Received letter from Congressman Young stating SSA has initiated action on his inquiry on my behalf.

 

04/21/08 – Called Congressman Young’s office and spoke to Yvonne; Was told that SSA had thirty more days from letter of response, which means May 7th now; She asked if I was getting my monthly check and I told her that I had received nothing;  She told me that she would make some phone calls and try to check on it for me; Yvonne called back from Congressman Young’s office within 10 minutes telling me that she had spoken with Cheryl Anderson from the St Pete SSA office.  Yvonne was told that my claim was signed off for approval this morning and was being sent to the payment center for processing.; I was told to get down to SSA to request a critical paycheck to hold me over until the lump sum arrived; Theresa drove me down to SSA where I spoke with a worker named Cindy.  She called me as Denise Thompson and not James and had to correct things in my record like my name, address, and bank information which had supposedly been done previously;  She was very pleasant to work with.  I received an emergency check for a couple of estimated months;  I made a nice bank deposit and called Yvonne to thank her for her assistance; Yvonne told me that my case would not be closed out by Congressman Young until he was sure that I was receiving my benefits properly and consistently.

  

Yes, it is long and drawn out.  It has taken almost nine months to get this straight.  Sounds like a terribly difficult pregnancy, doesn’t it?

Until next time…
 

Wil and Max left for Tampa, Florida on 4/4/05 for two JAWS courses at Freedom Scientific (which is really in St. Petersburg). Titan moped around the house for two days missing Max. Wil said that Max missed Titan as well. We talked on the Ventrillo server at night and tried to get the dogs to respond to each other. One of Wil’s classmates got a picture of Max smiling in the ‘JAWS for Windows’ class.
Max smiles in JAWS for Windows class in St. Petersburg, FL on 4/6/05.
Thursday, Wil’s parents and I left for our visit over the long weekend. Titan travels very well. We stayed somewhere between Jacksonville and Lake City for the night. The Best Western clerk tried to charge Jessie $10 for the dog; and I went into activist mode. Needless to say, the charge was reversed quickly and we settled in for the night. Titan wasn’t too crazy about his parking arrangements. I took him out repeatedly only to go back to the room without any lifting or squatting (Titan, that is). The little devil would only park for his grandma. We ate breakfast at a Bob Evans in Lake City and made it to Clearwater before Wil got out of class.

The boys were so happy to see each other that Max wanted to leave Wil behind to see his brother. Wil won a JAWS cookie jar in class that makes the sound from the Jaws movie. You know the one – ‘just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…-Dodum Dodum Dodum!’ Both dogs were fascinated with it. We have it filled with peppermints and are conditioning the dogs to respond to the sound. It will be like cats coming to the kitchen at the sound of a can opener. Anyway, the boys enjoyed their play time together in the room. The Days Inn where Wil stayed was very accomodating and super nice. Titan and Max tug on basketball woobie with rope arms and legs in Days Inn room in Clearwater, FL on 4/9/05.The picture above shows the boys as they tugged on an innocent woobie in the room. They also rested together laying the same way on the floor like little hams for the camera. They look like peaceful little lambs in this picture.Max and Titan lay the same way on the floor resting in the Days Inn room on 4/10/05.

We ate at some really nice restaurants including Antonio’s Italian, Sam Seltzer’s Steak House, Bob Evans (a few times), and good old Waffle House in Clearwater. On Saturday night, Wil and I and the boys met up with eight other people who worked for Freedom Scientific at a Karaoke bar called Mugs and Jugs. All ten of us were blind (no sighties that night) and we had six dog guides between us. They had good food, great beer, and awesome root beer shooters. Wil and I drank like college kids at a frat party and I sang my own words to the karaoke tunes. We had a blast!! At one point, Brother Max became possessed by an imp, stood up, and snatched my napkin out of my lap. The awesome worker that he is, he remains full of puppy life. I swear that he is my Mississippi reincarnated. God bless his soul at the Rainbow Bridge. Mugs and Jugs is the first totally non-smoking bar that we have been to. It was clean and the people treated us as if we weren’t any different from the sighties. Florida has an indoor clean air policy.

On Monday, Jessie drove us all to the Gulf coast. We stopped at Key Stone Park where we were able to walk down to the water’s edge. Both boys really wanted to play in the waves. Titan has been to the beach at Hunting Island, SC when he first came home with me. We took Mississippi’s ashes to the ocean as he really loved the water. Titan and Max look longingly at the waves at Gulf coast of Florida on 4/11/05.Titan and Max look happy in this picture as they check out the beautiful Gulf water. We went to the Marina at John’s Pass where Wil got his seafood fix at the Friendly Fisherman. I, of course, ate chicken fingers since I am allergic to all seafood. We walked the boardwalk; and it is a REAL boardwalk. The boards are uneven in their flatness and spacing. It was a good challenge for both dogs as I’m sure the boards felt weird to their paws. Wil, Denise, Max, and Titan enjoy the fresh air on boardwalk at John's Pass, FL on 4/11/05.
Here are pictures of the boys smiling pretty for Grandma; and of Wil, Max, titan, and myself on the boardwalk. Titan and Max smile at Grandma at the Friendly Fisherman on 4/11/05. I would love to take a week and stay on the Gulf Coast and do nothing but eat, sleep, walk the beach, and play (not just on the sand).

Shirley, Jessie, and I left early Tuesday morning to return home. It was a great trip. Wil and Max came home on Saturday, April 16th. The boys were so glad to see each other at the airport that they wanted to spar and play when they greeted each other. It was the first month I took clomid; and we tried really hard to kill the rabbit while in Florida. We are using clomid again this month. Since the rabbit is still hopping, we will keep humping; and sooner or later it will die and there will be a baby.

Leader Dogs Titan and Max pose for Lions club picture in the backyard on 9/28/04.
This blog is about half-brothers, Titan and Max. Titan was born on September 14, 2000 to Whistler and Jackson. He was one of five in Whistler’s first litter. Titan is Whistler’s first Leader Dog graduate followed by his brother, Dustin, who lives with his partner in Mexico. Sister, Morgan was pulled as a breeder and has had two or three litters for Leader Dogs. Jacob and Genna live the life of luxury as faithful pets. Max came along two litters later on December 27, 2002 with Drummer as daddy. Mary and Mark Woloweic host Whistler as breeding stock for Leader Dogs. Max’s litter, known as the Christmas litter, gave Leader Dogs nine great puppies. Eight are Leader Dog graduates while Austin, who had cancer at an early age, is companion to a little boy in Michigan. Mary left voice mails of the Christmas litter whining for Whistler to feed them. It is awesome having a sound byte of Max as a puppy.
Titan lived with puppy raisers, Diane and Jim Prieskorn with Jason and Laurie in Livonia, Michigan until he entered the Leader Dog program on October 4, 2001. He was quickly picked up by trainer, Sue Horne, and matched with me on February 13, 2002. Titan was named by Jason after the ‘Remember the Titans’ movie. Diane and family usually raised German Shepherds; but Jason had requested a Golden Retriever so he could assist in his raising before completing high school. Titan is a vocal Golden Retriever speaking the woo woo language and carrying woobies (toys) around in his mouth.
Max spent his first year with experienced puppy raisers, Dave and Lori Johnson, in Blair, Nebraska where Dave has operated a veterinary clinic there for twenty-five years. Max is named after Dave’s mother, Maxine, who had always supported him in his veterinary career. Max entered the Leader Dog program on March 4, 2004 where he was picked up by trainer, Art Fleming for formal dog guide training. Max was issued to Wil on July 7, 2004. Dave and Lori taught Max to ‘smile’. He actually pulls his lips back, wrinkles up his nose, and shows his teeth on command. All dog lovers recognize his smile while non-animal people think he looks mean. Wil and I enjoy the different reactions to Max’s smile.
Max and Titan met for the first time on July 17, 2004 while Wil was still in training at Leader Dogs for the Blind. In Rochester, Michigan. Since e arrived home on July 29th, Max has fit into our household as if he had been here forever. He and Titan love each other and get along extremely well. I feel sure that it is a rarity to have sibling dog guides in the same household. We know that we are truly blessed with two Whistler babies in our lives.